Just Come Up for Air.

It's funny to me how I'm always starting the mindset that I'll actively publish my thoughts every couple of days but then I end up posting only a few blogs a month. Sometimes none. But December is a great month to do so because so many good things happen at the end of a year - and this year especially. Christmas break is steadily approaching and although its frightening to think of having to buy presents with my current lack of cash, I'm excited. But thats in a few weeks... as for now I have to focus on school. Ugh, school. Notably chemistry - putting a weight on my back thats been building for months and is finally starting to crack under pressure. Hopefully that stress will soon be resolved and I can breathe again. Wow, thoughts are shooting off in my head but the multitude is making it difficult to type. Other things have been going on as well - to say the least.

My hands smell like oranges.

Stupid dance. Stupid ball. A date that isn't me just isn't something I don't like you having. I'm like overly used velcro - somedays I stick but other days I won't adhere to anything. Somedays I don't care but on others every mention of this dance makes friction under my skin. It's not that I don't trust her - I trust her with my heart. But him. He can think all the things he wants. And true - they are just thoughts. But in lust, adultery has already been committed. So what am I supposed to make of this?? I can't wait to see her there. But if I see so much as one breath out of line on his part I'm going to want to snap. And when I say snap, I slightly mean explode.

Jobs. I'm searching. Failing, but searching. Application after application and never once have I been called. But I've made so many calls... its ridiculous. I'm beginning to regret ever leaving that awful restaurant. I want to buy things, not fo me, but for her. Because she deserves the treatment I don't give her in those aspects. I'm not saying I want her spoiled and that I want to blow a fortune, but she should know that she is cared for. Deeply.

Starewell is climbing [hah!] More gigs, more DJ opportunities, more money, more recognition, and finally we're recording! I just pray that none of it goes to my head or glorifies me in any way - or anyone else in the band. We have but an audience of One.




Eeverything that still swims laps around my head...
Waiting to surface, I guess.