Come face to face with anything that binds you to a decision. It tests your mettle as who you are and how you take pain. Everyone knows me. Everyone knows the living doormat. I stand six foot six inches small and I allow the masses to wipe their feet on me at no charge. And I don't argue! God has given me this gift because it is going to make a difference in me that others will not have. But how can I cope when every single night that I lie awake in bed and I cry because I know that I will end up hurting someone. Every outcome destroys someone different. It picks them apart and leaves them in God's hand, where they will be ultimately the most comfortable. This is what my obendience costs me. I'm not comforted when I see the face that comes to mind when I say that... Ugh, partial insomnia and full on hysteria. My eyes have been bloodshot since I got in my car and rammed my head to the wheel, hoping for an answer to magically blare from the stereo. The answer never came but the day continues and the hurt... it grows. I can't do this. Stop this train! I can't deal with this. I'm an emotional tangle, an ugly emotional tangle, and I enter the room with ease to put on the false atmosphere of a sound mind. My head is spinning somewhere at six hundred thousand revolutions per minute right now. And I know what has to happen to be happy - I have to make the right decision. Give the decision to the doormat, and what will it do? Lay down and wait to be walked on again. What else does it know? I need some sense of security. I need a stable sense of mind, otherwise I don't think I'll be able to function just the way I should. I need Your will laid before me so that I may follow it exactly as it is drawn out. You know. I don't know if i can stomach this fear of hurting soemone any longer. I'll stop speaking in circles - I can't. Help.
It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.
Can't seem to hold you like I want to,
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.
We're going down, and you can see it too.
We're going down, and you know that we're doomed.
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room.
I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.
I'll make the most of all the sadness,
You'll be mean because you can.
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand.
We're going down, and you can see it too.
We're going down, and you know that we're doomed.
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room.
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
-John Mayer seems to know how my heart is thinking. Mostly.
